If you’ve been there, you’ll know. Wedding planning = hell.

The engagement part, I loved!

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Serious amounts of thought went into the proposal, none of which were actually used given the shear emotion of the occasion. Of course my proposal was on a river. I had a few minor obstacles to contend with… midges, slippery steps leading down to an eighty foot deep waterfall and not dropping a ring that was passed down to me after multiple generations… No pressure or anything!

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A few weeks/months of champagne dreams and it’s game on. Enter…the Bride.

The mind goes blank, lights start to flash, life itself seems to go into hyperdrive and your heart pumps three times faster than usual. This is only the start.

What about the cost? After all it’s the most expensive party you will ever throw. Panic sets in as you don’t know that this is actually going to be the best night of your life! Where to begin?

THE DRESS. Nope, not going there. That’s the bride’s prerogative.

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Location.

This was hard. His or hers? Scotland or England?

Not really realising what we had agreed to, this was it. Here it looks great but on a rainy October day when it was a mud pit, neither him or her were anywhere close to being happy. Dilemma one.

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The first one didn’t cut it for the wife. This began the church search. Seven churches and several hours in the car later, we finally agreed on the local one… 2 miles down the road. I think only because the weather vane was a salmon! This was down to the mother-in-law, who strongly believed it was fate. Tick, nailed it!

What was amazing, was that after coming to terms with the fact that our wedding was going to be in a flooded muddy field, the local community jumped into help mode and completely blew us away. From October to August the field was transformed by James, the local farmer. The grass was continually cut and ended up mimicking your local cricket square. Some people are just incredible.

Marquee.

Why are they soo expensive..?

A quick call to a recommendation nailed the booking and the team erected the tent on the only day in the week preceding the big day that wasn’t pissing with rain. It look so small from the outside but certainly did the job. Check out Greenfield Marquee Scotland

Then end result was perfect.

Now that these major details were completed, it was detail time. I lost the will to live at this point, even though I agreed that we wanted to put our own mark on this mammoth day. To be fair what choice do you have. Don’t be fooled by people telling you “it’s all about you!” It’s all about your wife. Nothing else matters.

Charlie and Laura_133What an error I made. When it came to flowers my simple answer was “hun, I don’t care… get whatever flowers you want!” Oh boy. Never, ever say this, ever!

I provided the wellies and the pheasant feathers, you provide the flowers.

Surely the colours and types of flowers are the ladies thing and they must understand that this has no meaning to a bloke?

 

 

Have an opinion but don’t except it to be paid attention to. It’s important to have an opinion and show interest but don’t for god sake say that you don’t care!!! Lunacy!!

No confetti at the church, no problem. Give the kids bubble guns.

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Invites. 

Who? How many? Family, friends, cousins, second cousins… Will it upset them? “We can’t ask them and not them!”

No comment…

Don’t even mention the seating plan!

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Attention to detail – putting our stamp on the wedding was great fun when it came down to setting up but thinking about the details and offering a constructive opinion was, well, impossible. Let her do what she wants and show interest.

 

Oh yes, don’t forget booze. We went crazy or rather I demanded craziness. A great idea as we had loads left which lasted us and the family for a long, long time. Adding to the drunken mayhem we added a bit extra on the tables.

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It’s the preparation in the week pre-wedding that counts for the bloke. Get involved and make sure you show 100% willing to do anything and everything.

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What I always said from the start was “No matter how crap I am now, when it comes to the week leading up to our big day, I will do everything!” To be fair I did keep to my word and made true the promise.

Climbing ladders, strimming, gardening, collecting, hoovering etc etc.

What I would like to point out is, on the eve before the big day while I was slaving in the marquee getting everything ready and it was pissing wet outside, the wife was having her nails done then out to dinner enjoying wine and merriment.

I call this part punishment.

 

Cake. LDP: “What do you want on the cake?” CK: “Game birds, dogs, fish (of course), images of my sporting passions.” LDP: “No! I want traditional white with roses and thistles.”

Stand your ground on some occasions. Pick your battles carefully.

Negotiation training came to the forefront of this war. Two cakes were chosen. One for him and one of her. The only reason we managed this is purely due to my mother being a professional cake maker. Silla Keyser Cakes are amazing and trust me when I say, mum can make anything you want – check out the pics

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What to me was one of the most important things was the music. If you can get most people drunk enough to dance, you have to have epic music!! Let’s get the first dance out the way, which let’s face it, is another moment of hell.

We must get dancing lessons… Errrr, you have to be joking. Dragged to slinky hipped Colin for a lesson which I forget every time I left the dance hall. Yes, we both completely forgot the dance on the night and nobody (except the wife) cared! Once again I was transformed into a mix of MJ, John Travolta and Micheal Flatley. Oh it was bad!

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A masterful play list containing three months worth of music was given to the DJ master Rory C of RJCC Events. The guy is a master and I would highly recommend him to anyone in the UK wanting a DJ at their wedding.

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The above is a short version of basically how not to be a groom and how no matter what you do or say, you will be wrong. But for God’s sake do not, repeat, do not say you don’t care. Ever!

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Let her have her way. Your life will become a whole lot easier.

And I have to say, I think we put on a pretty damn good party!!

Posted by:Charlie

I'm Charlie - unlike a lot of bloggers I'm not fashionable, I don't travel to the most exotic places in the world everyday and I'm a hard working on the road Brands Manager. What I love is the great outdoors and being in it! Sadly the reality of life is that time doesn't allow for everything..... But, I'm happy!

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